cheapfilling: college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard? (via pues-osea)

cheapfilling:

college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard?

(via pues-osea)

basilgenovese:

Korean Fried Chicken Tacos with Slaw, Crunchy Noodles & Queso Fresco (Source: Half Baked Harvest)
Becoming Vulnerable 30 Day Challenge - Day 22  GROWING UP…i didn’t have this many people who i felt good with. it’s crazy looking back and seeing how many situations and relationships i was a part of that made my skins crawl. i was so uncomfortable all of the time and in turn so uncomfortable with me. i was convinced that i was doing something wrong, that i was doomed to push through awkward social dynamics forever lolol. it amazes me how much i’ve come to grow in not putting up with what i don’t deserve and in starting to feel relief and peace in just being alone. so much of my days lately are best when i am able to have an hour or two alone to do nothing. even on my bday when i’m supposed to be or am told and shown that i’m supposed to be jumping up and down and screaming with excitement, i’m just inclined to work on taking in appreciation better. but i think that this week i need to really take the time to write down a list of all that i am proud of and how i want to be loved as a gift to me. i need to do more for me that doesn’t come in material form. THE THING ABOUT TIME…is that you have no control over it. it’s here and then it’s gone and it moves at seemingly the opposite pace that i’ve been needing over the last few years. and now as i go into classes tomorrow and it begins to hit me that i’m going back into the vortex of time that is Oberlin i hope that i can hold on tight to the strength that i’ve worked so hard to build back up during my time away to keep on choosing me over these ideas of how i’m supposed to move through time. as i get caught in moment of impossibility being pulled between so many requests that somehow end up feeling like duties and people who i can’t always tell the motivations of, and academic bullshit, and to do list upon to do list i need to remember to STOP. to stop for a minute and do my best to warp time in my head, to see it all from above and reroute my path in a way that i know i can survive. even though it’s not the mentality that i particularly want to have going in, this semester for me is about survival in a lot of ways. of not relapsing, but of also being forgiving and loving with myself. why is is that on this bday out of all of my bdays i felt like it was the most difficult to celebrate myself. i had this numbness all day that i couldn’t explain. like i have so much energy that i’ve learned to channel into others and tasks and the world but it is so difficult to literally sit with myself for five minutes and just say - i can do this, i am deserving, i am worthy of love, i am beautiful, i am strong, i am attractive, i am a force. and not feel like i’m just performing for myself. i didn’t realize how much i was crushed until a week ago when i couldn’t’ say those words out loud. i knew what they were. i knew that i’m supposed to believe them, but it just….didn’t. to me, this is so much more important than my classes and any kind of performative dance of demonstrating that I’m a “true activist”….i don’t quite know to explain this to people. how to explain that my pace is changing and that when i push back on time that i’m not necessarily pushing back on them. i guess it’s as simple as that - even though it sounds cheesy. this year i’m working on loving myself more. i’m working on growing my roots not down or out, but in. i’m taking this last bit of time that i have to be a student, to think with myself while i am still in a place surrounded by so many people that i value and while i have the space and privilege to build a home for myself in a spacious house with beautiful people to explore this. Before i take my next leap and throw myself into a crazy place, i want to feel good with me and be able to name all the parts that i am not good with instead of being in denial about it. i know that this will be scary for some people close with me. i know that my mother is worried. but i am more worried at what will happen if i don’t do it. i’m more worried about getting back on that nonstop rhythm of false affirmation by filling up my life with projects to see how many i can juggle perfectly until it all falls down on me and no one can find me under the rubble. i’m just ready to continue to see things day to day in a way that isn’t forced because the future and my tasks are so terrifying, but because i want to appreciate what is in front of me as i comes and because i trust myself to have the skills to soak them up as needed.

Becoming Vulnerable 30 Day Challenge - Day 22 

GROWING UP…i didn’t have this many people who i felt good with. it’s crazy looking back and seeing how many situations and relationships i was a part of that made my skins crawl. i was so uncomfortable all of the time and in turn so uncomfortable with me. i was convinced that i was doing something wrong, that i was doomed to push through awkward social dynamics forever lolol. it amazes me how much i’ve come to grow in not putting up with what i don’t deserve and in starting to feel relief and peace in just being alone. so much of my days lately are best when i am able to have an hour or two alone to do nothing. even on my bday when i’m supposed to be or am told and shown that i’m supposed to be jumping up and down and screaming with excitement, i’m just inclined to work on taking in appreciation better. but i think that this week i need to really take the time to write down a list of all that i am proud of and how i want to be loved as a gift to me. i need to do more for me that doesn’t come in material form.

THE THING ABOUT TIME…is that you have no control over it. it’s here and then it’s gone and it moves at seemingly the opposite pace that i’ve been needing over the last few years. and now as i go into classes tomorrow and it begins to hit me that i’m going back into the vortex of time that is Oberlin i hope that i can hold on tight to the strength that i’ve worked so hard to build back up during my time away to keep on choosing me over these ideas of how i’m supposed to move through time. as i get caught in moment of impossibility being pulled between so many requests that somehow end up feeling like duties and people who i can’t always tell the motivations of, and academic bullshit, and to do list upon to do list i need to remember to STOP. to stop for a minute and do my best to warp time in my head, to see it all from above and reroute my path in a way that i know i can survive. even though it’s not the mentality that i particularly want to have going in, this semester for me is about survival in a lot of ways. of not relapsing, but of also being forgiving and loving with myself. why is is that on this bday out of all of my bdays i felt like it was the most difficult to celebrate myself. i had this numbness all day that i couldn’t explain. like i have so much energy that i’ve learned to channel into others and tasks and the world but it is so difficult to literally sit with myself for five minutes and just say - i can do this, i am deserving, i am worthy of love, i am beautiful, i am strong, i am attractive, i am a force. and not feel like i’m just performing for myself. i didn’t realize how much i was crushed until a week ago when i couldn’t’ say those words out loud. i knew what they were. i knew that i’m supposed to believe them, but it just….didn’t. to me, this is so much more important than my classes and any kind of performative dance of demonstrating that I’m a “true activist”….i don’t quite know to explain this to people. how to explain that my pace is changing and that when i push back on time that i’m not necessarily pushing back on them. i guess it’s as simple as that - even though it sounds cheesy. this year i’m working on loving myself more. i’m working on growing my roots not down or out, but in. i’m taking this last bit of time that i have to be a student, to think with myself while i am still in a place surrounded by so many people that i value and while i have the space and privilege to build a home for myself in a spacious house with beautiful people to explore this. Before i take my next leap and throw myself into a crazy place, i want to feel good with me and be able to name all the parts that i am not good with instead of being in denial about it. i know that this will be scary for some people close with me. i know that my mother is worried. but i am more worried at what will happen if i don’t do it. i’m more worried about getting back on that nonstop rhythm of false affirmation by filling up my life with projects to see how many i can juggle perfectly until it all falls down on me and no one can find me under the rubble. i’m just ready to continue to see things day to day in a way that isn’t forced because the future and my tasks are so terrifying, but because i want to appreciate what is in front of me as i comes and because i trust myself to have the skills to soak them up as needed.

“If you think women are crazy you’ve never had a dude go from hitting on you to literally threatening to kill you in the time it takes you to say “no thanks.””
majiinboo: Do not forget Michael Brown Do not forget how the media dehumanized him and tried to justify his murder Do not forget how peaceful protests were painted as savage riots Do not forget police armed with military grade weapons terrorized and arrested black civilians Do not forget Darren Wilson being awarded over $200,000 in fundraiser donations for murdering an unarmed black child Do not forget that this system was not built to defend us, but to control us Do not forget Ferguson  (via fledermoyse)

majiinboo:

  • Do not forget Michael Brown
  • Do not forget how the media dehumanized him and tried to justify his murder
  • Do not forget how peaceful protests were painted as savage riots
  • Do not forget police armed with military grade weapons terrorized and arrested black civilians
  • Do not forget Darren Wilson being awarded over $200,000 in fundraiser donations for murdering an unarmed black child
  • Do not forget that this system was not built to defend us, but to control us
  • Do not forget Ferguson 

(via fledermoyse)

“Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he’s never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don’t wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problems are papier mache puppets you made or bought because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did. And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries. Don’t lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street.”
cheapfilling: college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard? (via lunalunadameunatuna)

cheapfilling:

college is catered towards the able bodied and able minded. school applauds people who can stay up all night, skip meals, and work endlessly. that kind of extreme contribution is expected. why are disabled people being squeezed out of academic institutions? why should I feel inferior because of some arbitrary and ridiculous standard?

(via lunalunadameunatuna)